Doing better with old

A few weeks ago, while in Abidjan, Côte d’Ivoire, I had lunch at L’usine Chez Rose, an open space where the community connects over fish. It serves simple food like your grandmother or mother would make it. On my plate, I had a large fish, attièkè and alloco. This is a standard meal for many Abidjanais and Abidjanaises.

L’usine is a reflection of how mothers reinforced their roles alongside fathers for children to embrace strength and courage as a tool for their lives. The power behind L’usine is a woman who believed in her ability to provide a consistent experience for urban dwellers. Across the city, there are a number of women who run these hubs of human experiences and connections.

In a world where we strive for positive masculinity, we ought to remember how our mothers and grandmothers raised us and how what we observed as a child shapes the adult we become. As I ate, memories of my childhood surfaced, where my grandmother would add to the menu the attièkè-poisson (fish) bought round the corner, to the delight of her grand-children. Though she could make it, she knew her expertise was in other dishes which were equally a delight. She taught me respect for self and others. By supporting a small business, she reminded me of the boundaries that are extended by others’ competencies. She praised the consistency of the food, the quality of the food and the service she received. What she was telling me was that the woman round the corner had a reliable supply chain, sourced the best ingredients and maintained a healthy relationship with her clients.

Many urban food joints face the wrath of the law over permit issues or urban development which calls for demolition or relocation. Yet they find a new lease of life either at the same location or in other spots because the experience creates a following which makes the resurrection possible. Though demolished a few times, many reflect the power of resilience and the search for prosperity by rebuilding at their own cost. In this tension lies the capital evolution of our mentality. The informal economy is what we have and though it might not be taught in business schools, we lived through the experience of what it takes for African women to run successful businesses. One can recall the Nana Benz of Togo and their fortunes as they dominated trade in West Africa in the seventies. Thus, rejecting what we have deprives us of the value embedded in how women across the continent show young boys what is possible with the Africa we have.

Across the continent, there are many who believe in their ability to provide for an experience which warrants the price. Thus, the real opportunity is translating the experience economy model to the economy we have. In essence, it is about feeling something deeper than the product. The silent education through observation was one of the most powerful ones I could remember. To observe and to absorb is a powerful learning process which grants the young mind codes of conduct, tools of engagement and inner trust in who one could become.

There comes Die Strandloper – beach walker -, in Langebaan, has been operating for over 30 years. On the menu are10 courses, cooked like your grandmother would cook. What stands out is the community behind the experience. They demonstrate accountability to every guest by creating the same and unique experience for every one present on the premises. The setting is reminiscent of a maquis in Abidjan, a local joint where food is made and served comme à la maison. In the open kitchen, men and women shared responsibilities for different parts of the meal. The accountant was a woman who collected payment or requests for the transfer. Trust is the currency of choice in communities, and she trusted guests to do the right thing while embracing the experience. Throughout the 10-course meal, strandlopers shared their expertise by baking bread, boiling sweet potatoes, making the braai, cooking the curry, etc. This team effort reminded me of many kitchens across the continent where competencies trump gender.

There is power in the food experience economy. At l’usine chez Rose, I was filled with emotions generated from the quality of the food, the quality time and the overall experience. What if we could rethink the food industry on the continent as training grounds for positive masculinity? In the kitchen we can easily reject toxic stereotypes confining certain roles to a gender. It was my understanding of baking cupcakes with my mother which helped me appreciate this. It was my trip to the market which made me embrace strength and courage by listening to the stories of rural-urban supply chains. It was in the good negotiations that respect from self and others were demonstrated. It was observing that each women’s interactions were based on accountability for the quality and the fair price. This was the foundation of healthy relationships which they maintained over time.

All these elements helped with my emotional intelligence. And as I meet other fathers along the journey, I am reminded of the power of shared experiences as documented by Jeff Hittner, creating a space for fathers to embrace their masculinity as a shared experience of human progress with their children and their community.

As I reflect on what I became, I cannot help but feel the impact of being exposed to the world as it is so that I could always remember why I became.